Cincinnati, Ohio (AP)- Statistics have shown a significant increase in the kitten population in recent springs, as a result of longer mating seasons and a lower kitten mortality rate.
Florence Ohio (pop 2500) Animal Welfare Society statistics show a February 2007 cat intake of 12. The intake for February 2008 had increased to 15. Extrapolated nation wide, that amounts to an extra 360 000 kittens in February alone.
“At the moment we are absolutely over run with Kittens,” said Robert Unser, president of The Safe Haven Animal Sanctuary of Petersburg Ohio (pop 687), noting that kitten season usually ends July 28th and it was already the 30th of July.
Anecdotal evidence backs this claim up, as well. John Warner, Ohio State Trooper, said, ” I have personally seen the horrifying results of a bag of Kittens being thrown off an overpass into oncoming traffic on Interstate 74, by what I can only assume is Democrat.”
Experts* agree that the likely cause of this, both directly and indirectly, is Global Warming. The warmer springs trigger an early release of hormones in a cat’s body starting the heat cycle prematurely. The warmer springs also decrease the odds off Kittens dying, due to exposure to the elements.
Now all of the headless chickens are running around preaching about floods, hurricanes, and droughts being the only by-product of Global Warming, but none of them has ever mentioned the world would be filled with cute adorable purring Kittens. If the general population were given all the facts, would the public’s perception of Global Warming be any different?
Except serial killers and Garfield, who does not love Kittens?
Barack Hussein Obama! That’ who!
His position on Global Warming is clear;
“As a result of climate change, glaciers are melting faster; the polar ice caps are shrinking; trees are blooming earlier; more people are dying in heat waves; species are migrating, and eventually many will become extinct.”
It would seam that Barack Hussein Obama is more concerned about the melting glaciers in Canada or the plight of the endangered Iranian Cheetah, than he is the good old American Short-Hair Cat, that can be found in every small American Town from Scranton Pennsylvania to Modesto California.
John McCain is a decorated War Hero and He loves Kittens!
Barack Hussein Obama?
* Nancy Peterson, feral cat program manager of the Humane Society of the United States
Amen.
But every time a Republican masturbates, God kills a kitten. Now, wouldn’t you rather have Barack Obama, a KNOWN kitteh killah, or Republicans masturbating? I think the choice is clear!
OMG I didnt even consider that….. kittens are going to die no matter who is elected…. oh the humanity…..
I can live with Rush Limbaugh masterbating only becaus e its radio… but I have to draw the line at Bill O Reilly
At least you didn’t say Glenn Beck
Oh no! Kitten abuse has become so widespread that even God participates?
Weep, oh my children, weep, for surely the end draweth nigh!
No, not because of kitten abuse. Because otherwise sane people are getting out in public and filling innocent minds with horrifying visions of McCain, O’Reilly and Limbaugh masturbating.
As soon as I stop heaving, I’ll have to drill a hole in my head and pour in some Lysol to cleanse the foul pictures from my brain.
The horror. The horror.
I am please I could leave an impression
kittens are my faverit anamal in the earth